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Joke of the Day
"""A Walk Among the Tombstones"" could just as well be a TV serial... ... It has so many parts."
Next Joke
"ME: Then the robber came thru the door holding a gun COP: Was it a revolver? ME [thinks] No he just pushed it open & walked thru like normal"
"""I could probz bench press, like, five of you""-me talking to a cool squirrel I just met"
"What's the definition of innocence? A nun working in a condom factory thinking she's making sleeping bags for mice."
"TIFU: By calling a passing play when I should have run the ball. Beast mode rules!"
"What do you get when a cow jumps over a barbed-wire fence? Udder destruction!"
"My new telly is brilliant, it shows 50 frames per second. I managed to watch the whole of the snooker world championships in less than a minute."
"COP: careful, this guy's insane DETECTIVE: ok [he walks into the interrogation room] ME: i dont like the creme part of oreos D: jesus christ"
"Girl, are your legs tired? Cuz you were running through my dreams all night and you did some amazing parkour & also kicked a judge to death."
"Outside, contemplating life, love, and happiness and if I should tell the neighbor that his kid has been stuck in a tree for three hours."