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Joke of the Day

"ME: Then the robber came thru the door holding a gun COP: Was it a revolver? ME [thinks] No he just pushed it open & walked thru like normal"

"[sees co-worker the next day after failing to kill him on purge night] mondays am i right?"

"My wife and I were stuck in traffic. She said, ""I'm turning round."" ""I can see that,"" I replied. ""Try eating less chocolate."""

"Have you ever been hit repeatedly by a wave? It hertz a lot"

"Since when did remembering names become such a thing? I think I offended dog face girl, again."

"Why did the calculator pay $100 for a pack of cigarettes? There was a sin tax error. [8.5]"

"Just thought of one: Why is an abortionist good to have on your team? If you conceive something, they can execute it."

"What do you get hanging from apple trees? Sore Arms."

"A snake walks into a bar And the bartender asks ""How did you do that?"""

"Did you see the awful story about a triple amputee dog the other day? Poor pup. They said he was on his last leg."