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Joke of the Day

"My new telly is brilliant, it shows 50 frames per second. I managed to watch the whole of the snooker world championships in less than a minute."

"What do I and Ronda Rousey have in common? neither of us can last more than a minute :("

"Shrink: How many true friends do you believe you have? Me: Define ""true friend."" Shrink: Someone you feel you can tell anything. Me: 11,419."

"You'd think this moron wandering around the lot would give up after 10 minutes and push the alarm button to find their car ... But I won't."

"*chases cat around the house with a lint roller"

"What is wonder woman's favorite drug? Heroine."

"I called my friend in North Korea and asked how he was. He said he couldn't complain."

"Library joke A guy goes to the library and says, ""I want a book on suicide."" The librarian says, ""Fuck you, you won't bring it back!"""

"This could be the Alcohol talking but.... OMG you guys! The ALCOHOL is TALKING!"

"What a polite guy... I met Michael J Fox the other day. I only gave him a hi-five and he still shook my hand."