230358

Joke of the Day

"you really have to admire brits who voted to leave They were so worried about immigrants ruining their economy than they preempted it by doing it themselves."

"I saw a guy in a Prius run out of gas... instead of giving him a ride,, I sent him positive energy & world peace cause that means more to him"

"I was going to write a joke about Kim kardashian's orifices, but they've all been done."

"If your wife is shouting Q: If your wife is shouting at the front door and your dog is barking at the back door, who do you let in first? A: The dog -- at least he'll quiet down after you let him in."

"I saw a huge spider wearing a turban and carrying an AK-47 yesterday and I shit myself. I'm guessing I have Iraqnophobia."

"Nothing is creepier than driving next to someone on the highway at the exact same speed."

"Did you hear about the guy who's left arm and leg got cut off? He has **crippling** depression"

"I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly."

"What is a stalkers favorite part of a hospital? the I see you."

"What time does Sean Connery show up to wimbledon? Tennish"