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Joke of the Day

"Teacher: Who was the first woman on earth? Fred: I don't know Sir. Teacher: Come on Fred it has something to do with an apple. Fred: Granny Smith?"

"Just said ""No you can't have an apple because you'll spoil the pizza that's being delivered very soon."" I shouldn't be allowed to parent."

"I bet hipsters love Mondays just to be ironic, but mostly because they're unemployed."

"It's not working. I've napped every day this week at work and not a single raise or promotion. Sleeping my way to the top was a stupid idea."

"Masturbating is wrong in some people's eyes... Also, it burns."

"A sheep, a drum and a snake fall down a cliff Ba - Dumm - Tss"

"I do whatever I can to fight poverty So the other day, I punched a tramp (Courtesy of Milton Jones)"

"I just watched the uncut version of Scarface. It was just called ""Face."""

"What do you call an alligator with a vest? An investigator."

"Is life fair? Short answer: No. Long answer: Noooooooooooooooooooo."