230190

Joke of the Day

"Her: Prove that you care about me Me: *Takes my phone off the charger and plugs in hers"

"ISIS is really the worst... ... we should bomb them back to the -- whoops, never mind."

"I'm going to a costume party as jesus. What are some good jesus party quotes I can use?"

"What's the difference between an orange and Donald Trump Oranges have thick skin"

"Jokes are all about delivery But I'm more of a DiGiorno guy"

"What's green, fuzzy, and will kill you if it falls out of a tree? a pool table."

"September 1st Never forget"

"I'm at my most Mexican when I'm chatting about a movie and I suddenly pronounce Antonio Banderas like a Telemundo newscaster."

"Dropped a Q-tip, but I caught it before it hit the ground. The ninja behind me said, ""Whoa."" Then we high-fived."

"I'm not a mechanic so I don't know why, but my car seems to make a screaming noise whenever I run over people."