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Joke of the Day

"Lady, you misunderstood. When I asked if you would have my kids I didn't mean sex and babies. I meant take the ones I already have."

"I see Freddie Mercury has had an asteroid named after him. His surviving family have said how great it is to finally have Freddie immortalized in rock, and really appreciate the sediment."

"In the Men's Room, I hate pooping next to others... funny because i enjoy being amongst my peers."

"Yo momma's so fat that objects 5 meters away accelerate at 1 m/s^2 toward her. What is yo momma's mass if G = 6.67x10^-11Nm^2/kg^2? Please, someone help me, I can't solve it and it's making me nuts."

"Two peanuts where walking down the street... One was assaulted."

"A lot of people say that alt-right would be good for America. I'll try it if Ctrl-alt-delete doesn't work."

"Why does the internet always mourn the death of politicians? Because they are always lion about everything."

"INTERVIEWER: What do you see as your biggest weakness? ME: INTERVIEWER: ME: MY MOTHER: He's not good at speaking up for himself"

"New E Sport So there is a doctor in NYC that came down with ebola...he went bowling the night before admittance, created new sport...eboling"

"What should you give a man who has everything? A woman to show him how to work it."