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Joke of the Day

"Lady, you misunderstood. When I asked if you would have my kids I didn't mean sex and babies. I meant take the ones I already have."

"Where did king Tut go to masturbate? His Jerkophagus"

"You left a note on the fridge saying ""This isn't working. Goodbye"" but I opened it and it was working perfectly well. I don't get it."

"When Bruce Banner gets constipated do you think he turns into the Hulk? - just one of the thoughts I have during important business meetings"

"I waited for so long at the doctor's office that by the time they called me it was time for my follow-up appointment."

"I compulsively open my refrigerator in hopes that the portal to the other world has opened up. It hasn't so I had some cheese."

"Why couldn't Miley Cyrus go to the party? She had to go t'work instead."

"Thanks to the internet I know the actual medical terms for all the ailments that I'm positive I'm dying from."

"What are OJ Simpson's favorite keys on a computer? Return Home Slash Slash Backslash Shift Shift Shift Escape"

"Pirates and the Alphabet How come pirates can't say the alphabet? They always get lost at ""c""."