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Joke of the Day

"Teacher asks to name 3 great kings Student raises hand and replies fucking, smoking, drinking"

"[In line at Starbucks] [Woman behind me talking] I work in an office with 50% men so- [Excitedly turn around] OMG YOU WORK WITH CENTAURS"

"Having a child with down syndrome really is the best deal. You buy 46 chromosomes, and get one free."

"Tampax has announced that they will be taking the string off tampons and replacing it with tinsel. This is for the Christmas period only."

"I heard there was a paedophile roaming my neighbourhood. I don't know who it could be, nearly all of my neighbours are sexy little kids..."

"*hands you a marijuana* ""This one's called Air Bud. It'll make you play basketball. Also it might turn you into a golden retriever."""

"Remember when.. Remember when ""Netflix and chill"" used to mean... watching Netflix and chillin'?"

"The urgent care center in town was torn down... ...it was clinically depressed"

"Hi mom, we shot the new Hobbit movie today. I'm orc #56, the one accidentally wearing a watch. The director was really mad."

"Fresh Limerick There once was a lad from West Philly Who played basketball and got silly He fought with some brothers Which worried his mother Now he's know as Bel Air's Fresh Prince, Willy"