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Joke of the Day

"Why do black people only have nightmares? Because we killed the only one who had a dream."

"Me: I must warn you, I'm like an animal in bed. Her: That's fine by me! *burrows under the covers and falls asleep at the foot of the bed*"

"6'5"" guy: [starts a fight with me at the bar] me: [hides behind GF] GF: HEY, WHAT THE F- me: look, we need more strong female lead char-"

"I don't know what's healthier, but a grilled cheese sandwich tastes way better than a boiled one."

"The best part of being a supervillain is the freedom to laugh maniacally at all times"

"I once called a psychic. She asked who was on the line, so I hung up."

"I never made the Dean's List but I find it disturbing the Dean keeps a list of teenagers he likes."

"C, Eb, and G walk into a bar, and the bartender says, ""We don't serve minors here."" So Eb leaves, and C and G have a fifth between them."

"How did Hellen Keller break her arms when she fell down a well? She was shouting for help."

"My teacher said, ""Are you chewing gum?"" I said, ""Do I look like chewing gum to you?"""