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Joke of the Day

"First, that jerk cut me off in traffic, then he stole my parking space, and then his stupid car got paint on my key!"

"What do they call the Hunger Games in Japan? Battle Royale with cheese"

"Weighing elephants is .. A large scale problem."

"A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption."

"My spirit animal is this 9 yo, so calm and polite during girl sleepover drama, who just told me ""literally, nothing is interesting to me""."

"What do you call a french organized crime detective? J'accuza"

"My nun friend has started to wear holely clothes recently. I think she is getting into a bad habit."

"I've decided to leave my past behind me.. So if I owed you money- I'm sorry but I've moved on."

"Boss: You need supervision. Me: *squints really, really hard*"

"[feeding baby] Here comes the plane! *baby swallows food* wow you just ate everyone on board. way to go you little jerk"