229726

Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman? You can unscrew a lightbulb."

"Do you know the punishment for bigamy? Two mothers-in-law."

"""I'd like to raise a toast."" *Cradles bread in arms, accepting this step into motherhood*"

"A magician was walking down the street .... and he turned into a grocery store"

"Sorry neighbor who's choking to death, my cat's resting his little head on my leg. This, like, never happens."

"They should make a weed strain called ""WMD"" Except it turns out it doesnt exist"

"Did you hear the one about the sexually promiscuous citrus fruit? He got lemon aids."

"We've secretly replaced Janet's coffee with melatonin capsules. Let's see if okay yeah, she noticed. She looks pissed. Sleepy, but pissed..."

"What's a good treatment for insomnia? Bill Cosby"

"Divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter, and what do you get? Pumpkin pi."