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Joke of the Day

"My main goal in life is to become a cooking show judge Mostly because I like to criticize people while I eat"

"Whats the difference between an environmentalist and a dog sitting in the rain? eventually the dog sitting in the rain will stop whinging."

"Everybody thought potassium was an asshole AND a narcissist. It was probably because all he ever said to anyone was ""K""."

"If you are what you eat... I can see why some men are assholes and some women are dicks."

"Wife: How many beers is that for you today, dear? Me: Like 4 maybe. 5 tops. Wife: I counted 19. Me: Well I rounded down."

"Why are the silent majority actually Hillary supporters? Because they're dead."

"*Gets pulled over by cop* ""Papers?"" ""Scissors"" *Cop removes glasses* ""Rocks?"" *Both start successful trap house*"

"Some-What strange joke What does a white woman make for dinner? Reservations."

"Why did the global warming activist compliment the earth? Cause it looked hotter than usual! (I'll see myself out)"

"What do you call a midget party? ...a little get-together."