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Joke of the Day
"Why does an actor enjoy his work so much? Because it's all play."
Next Joke
"I know this sucks to say, but I hate when I root for a reality show contestant all season, and then in like episode 9 they mention The Lord."
"I read an actual newspaper today! For those of you who don't understand, a newspaper is like the Internet but made of paper."
"For Halloween I'm giving out razor blades with candy in them. These kids'll be shaving away and then BAM - nougat everywhere."
"This national park is nice but the cell service sucks. I can only enjoy natural beauty if I can tweet ironically about it."
"Q: Why did Bill go out to sea on an aircraft carrier? A: To promote off-shore drilling."
"A mushroom walks into a bar and the bartender says, ""We don't serve your kind in here!"" Mushroom says, ""Come on, I'm a fungi!"""
"Woman's Rights"
"Do you know how old I am? I'm so old that I was around when the Dead Sea was just sick. (Told to me by my grandfather)"
"Q: Why are bison such good musicians? A: They have fantastic horns."