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Joke of the Day

"It isn't a successful BBQ until some drunken idiot walks face first into a closed sliding glass door. I'm fine by the way."

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"Cool Ranch Doritos are just like regular ranch Doritos except every chip wears a little pair of aviators."
"What separates humans and animals? The Mediterranean sea."
"What did the collage artist say to her assistant? Looks like I got my work cut out for me."
"Q: How many 'Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb? A: None: A 'Real Woman' would have plenty of Real Men around to do it."
"The only good thing about being a chemist... Is that no one knows what I'm doing with my dog when I tell them ""I'll be in my lab""."
"What do you call an Italian without arms A speech impediment!"
"Hermione Granger: What can I wear that won't make me look fat? Ronald Weasley: An invisibility cloak"
"Boy: Hey girl, you are ABCDEFGHIJK Girl: What?! Boy: Amazing, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, foxy, gorgeous, hot Girl: Awww, what about the IJK?? Boy: IM JUST KIDDING!!!!"
"What do you call a depressed bear? Bipolar"