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Joke of the Day

"GF: I'm moving out if you don't stop pretending you work at a supermarket. ME: Ok. Do you need any help with your packing?"

"Anytime I cannot find my kids I just go to the bathroom and wait for them to barge in"

"I've been studying Israeli army martial arts. I now know 16 different ways to kick a Palestinian woman in the back."

"I drink to forget that I accidentally once said ""I love you"" when ending a call with a customer service rep."

"In grammar school, most unplanned pregnancies happen early on ...before anyone knows how to use the colon."

"I wanted to play Goat Simulator... ...but my PC doesn't have enough RAM."

"A math pickup line...You're so hot....... You make me wanna SCATTER my PLOT. :)"

"One day, scientists will build a very intelligent supercomputer. ""Is there a god?"", they ask. *** ""There is one now."""

"It would be great to be born on Earth and die on Mars. Preferably not on the point of impact."

"What did the pirate captain say to the sucker fish he hired to clean his ship? Suck my *DECK*!!!"