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Joke of the Day

"One day, scientists will build a very intelligent supercomputer. ""Is there a god?"", they ask. *** ""There is one now."""

"Someone should call 911... ...because YouTube is having one of its daily 500 seizures."

"I hated my job at medieval times because I always got stuck working on the knight shift"

"Knock knock, Who's there? Not Oscar Pistorius."

"Walked in on the big pillow in bed with my favorite blanket. Feel so betrayed."

"The seven dwarves are sitting in the bathtub, feeling happy... ...so, Happy gets out."

"I've been listening to Pink Floyd for the past 2 hours. I'm about to just go ahead and skip to track 2."

"A recent study shows that masturbating twice weekly increases life expectancy by 20%. I've done the maths. I am immortal."

"Me: I played this as a kid. It's from back when video games made sense 6-year-old: Why did you jump on a turtle? Me: Because I'm a plumber"

"I'm gonna start carrying breath mints around in an engagement ring box just to briefly make women really uncomfortable during conversation."