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Joke of the Day

"Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick)"

"My sister is a theater teacher and asked her class, ""What would the world be like without theater?"" One of her students replied, ""Well, Abraham Lincoln would've lived a bit longer."""

"The drag queens hairdo He calls it ""the Whitney"" It's black and dyed in the bath."

"ME: Off to the concert with my friends WIFE: Say hi to everyone for me [later] ME [individually saying hi to 10,000 ppl] This is exhausting"

"{Date} ME: I have to warn you, I'm the jealous type WAITER: What would you folks like? HER: I'll have the s- ME: WHO THE HELL IS THIS GUY?!?"

"I like to measure my workouts in terms of a reward system. For instance: I just ran 2.5 pizzas."

"If a king runs a kingdom and an emporer runs an empire. Who's about to run this country? Yea that"

"I asked my hairdresser to take a little bit off. I just really want to see her tits."

"I've been waxing my car for twenty years and I still don't know karate."

"Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office is in big trouble... You have my Word"