229465

Joke of the Day

"So much has changed since my girlfriend told me we're having a baby... My name, address and telephone number."

"[Auto-shop class] ""Cody, for the last time, it's still a carburetor even when it's in a van"" *raises hand* ""Or a truck"" *lowers hand*"

"What do you call a flying Jew? Smoke"

"Why are there only seat belts in the end of the bus? Because #backlivesmatter"

"Police officer: what'd you take, you're sweating, shaking and going crazy.... Perp: nothing sir, just searching for The Lord!"

"I wanted to know the meaning of earthenware, so I opened the dictionary at the EA section. Unfortunately, I needed to pay micro-transactions to access it."

"Why did the police chief tell his officers to show up 15 minutes early to the political demonstration? To beat the crowds."

"I hate having sex with my partner while we're camping... It's two fucking in tents."

"I hate being bipolar It's awesome"

"One time I saw a duck get hit by a wonder bread truck and that's pretty much why I try not to get too ambitious"