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Joke of the Day

"My next girlfriend I am going to train like my dog. She will be loyal, obedient, and lick herself."

"Why did the incarcerated 12 year old furiously jerk off in jail? He was hoping for an early release"

"When I was a kid my Fairy-Godmother asked me if I wanted a long penis or a long memory I can't remember what did I chose!"

"For a period, Houdini used a trap door in every single show he did... I guess you could say it was a stage he was going through."

"Mum Mum Dad's broken my computer! How did he do that? I dropped it on his head."

"You know that feeling when you've had a long day at work, you drive home and nothing is going your way? It's probably because you're driving in the wrong lane."

"A woman is at her father's deathbed She hasn't seen him in years and now they only have a few moments left. ""Dad, I'm sorry,"" she whispers. ""Goodbye, Sorry,"" he says, ""I'm *dead*."""

"Want to hear a joke? Adam Sandler's career"

"JUDGE: I find you guilty of murder. Sentenced to life. LAWYER: But it was only 20 minutes of murder. JUDGE: Oh, then you're free to go."

"ME: Who is your favourite philosopher? PROFESSOR: It's Hume. ME: Sorry - whom is your favourite philosopher?"