229453

Joke of the Day

"Turtles do nothing and are slow as hell, yet they live for like 200 years. I'll probably live forever."

"A dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac... lies awake at night wondering if there's a dog."

"Do you ever think about how ""Chips Ahoy"" is meant to evoke a weary ship captain finally encountering a cookie with a decent amount of chips"

"My dentist just looked in my mouth and said something is gonna have to come out. I suspect he's talking about my wallet."

"Everyone wears the left shoe last, Don't believe it? Proof: when we wear 1 shoe, the other one is left!"

"What do the iPhone 7 and the Titanic have in common? There's no room for jack, on both of them"

"Why do vegans don't like to kiss?? It gives them butterflies in their stomach"

"Two fish are in a tank.. One turns to the other and asked ""Do you know how to drive this thing?"""

"What's the difference between a dead cat and a dead lawyer on the road? The dead cat has skid marks around it."

"Why do gay clubs float so well? They're flambuoyant."