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Joke of the Day

"People who hit Reply All to 20+ recipients and then say, ""Thanks!""--please know, you are going to Hell. Nothing can save you. Nothing."

"An Englishmen, a Scotsman and a Irishman went to a bar. They all had to leave because the Englishman wanted to go."

"Shopping for insect repellent spray is so sexy.... I always get Off."

"What do you call a fat psychic ? A four-chin teller."

"You can tell a lot about a woman from her hands, for instance if they are firmly around your throat she is probably slightly upset."

"Thank you Twitter for introducing me to brilliant people , but your suggestions of who is similar to me is making me reassess my life."

"What's the simplest way to prevent rape? Consent."

"Im not sure who named the Gregorian calender ,probably some guy called Greg. Or Ian."

"My UPS guy just moved half-way across the country to be a stand-up comic His jokes are great but my delivery was way off"

"I can't wait till Harriet Tubman is on the $20 bill That means I can legally own a black person again."