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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between the Denver Broncos and a lottery ticket One has a better chance of getting struck by lightning than winning, the other is a lottery ticket"

"I tried to buy a Christmas tree to put in my shed. I couldn't find one anywhere. They were all non - shed."

"A mosquito bit Hillary Clinton the other day... It was later found to have hit itself in the back of the head with a fly swatter."

"[date started at 9 pm] [9:30 pm] Her: I love long awkward silences. [10:20 pm] Me: Me too."

"Two fish in a tank... ...one turns to the other and says, ""how do you drive this thing?"""

"Sometimes I wonder if I'm a hoarder and then I think,""No. But I should probably keep these used band-aids just in case."""

"Here it is, folks: ""Do imaginary octopi have ... (wait for it) (wait for it) PRETENDACLES?"""

"Every time you hire a clown for a kid's birthday party, a therapist gets a new car."

"A Jew with an erection walks face first into a wall... He breaks his nose."

"What's green slimy and smells like bacon? Kermit the Frog's finger."