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Joke of the Day
"Roses are red, Violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic..... ... and so am I."
Next Joke
"Fetish... I have a fetish for switching on air conditioning units. It gives me vent elation."
"I've just had my first coffee. To be honest, it wasn't my cup of tea."
"How many dead memes does it take to change a lightbulb? Twenty-one."
"Oh, you like Five Guys hamburgers more than In-N-Out? *unfollows *blocks *stews *hires assassin on Craigslist *unblocks to monitor situation"
"I took a shit on the hood of a car one time It was my civic doodie"
"Scientists: Don't freak out about Ebola. Everyone: *Panic!* Scientists: Freak out about climate change. Everyone: LOL! Pass me some coal."
"What's Batman's least favourite album? A Night at the Opera."
"A newbie at work asked me if I knew where the coloured printer was. I said ""It's 2016, Jamal, you can use any printer you want"""
"[blind date] Her: I was so scared you'd be a weirdo Me [revving chainsaw]: I CANT HEAR YOU"