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Joke of the Day
"When you go to a cannibal restaurant, always bring a friend to have for dinner."
Next Joke
"How do you tell if someone is vegan or not? Don't worry, they'll fucking tell you."
"Bought myself a really tight fit bomber jacket the other day But once I had got it on it wouldnt go off..."
"Things I learned from media: Sanders has won a bunch of states but must drop out Rubio shows he's a contender by losing nearly everywhere"
"My ex was just diagnosed as a narcissist Good to see I'm not the only one with low standards."
"This, being a gentleman thing really works. Women just fall for me when I offer them my handkerchief. Sure it's dabbed in chloroform..."
"Wait, you're citing me for reckless driving? I can count three from here!"
"It's weird to me that the shortened version of Charles is ""Chuck"". I mean, what the Farles is that about?"
"I am man. Hear me ask my wife for permission to roar."
"""Any minute now. Any minute..."" -Lincoln Logs, waiting for a phone call from Hollywood"