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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the popcorn that was demoted? He used to be a kernel."

"I love those lanes at the store where you can just bag your groceries, make some beep-boop noises and walk out without paying."

"This guy was all like ""I think you've had enough beers for one night."" Then I'm all ""Fuck you, fridge. Appliances can't even talk."""

"If I was a detective, my main suspect would always be the person who returns to the scene of the crime AND is eating a Klondike bar."

"*gives you the finger*gives you the spleen*gives you the bones*gives you all the other parts* Now build me a girlfriend like you promised."

"Why can't you make a movie with with Jewish people smoking weed? You can't show a group of Jews getting baked"

"At first I didn't like having a beard, but it grew on me."

"What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea? I've never paid 200 dollars to have a garbanzo bean on my chest."

"Me: Speak. C'mon, boy, speak. Dog: No, I'm mad at you."

"Why did the Chicken Cross The Road?"