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Joke of the Day

"Guy stole my bike so I got in a cab & said follow that guy! He said sure, whats his twitter name? We laughed & hi-fived & I need a new bike"

Next Joke
 
"My wife deserved it... She didn't let me wank, I had to beat something!"
"Anyone have a lot of unused pregnancy tests? Hate to see all this pee go to waste."
"I can build things out of wood. Canoe?"
"If the police police police police, who polices the police police? Police police police police police police."
"Daughter steals my iPad so I left Google open on ""too many kids"" & ""making it look accidental."" Found my iPad but haven't seen her all day."
"I don't drink so that I'm more fun to be around. I drink so that you're more fun to be around."
"I hate little dogs. I can only love dogs that could kill me."
"What did the fish say when he ran into a wall? Dam."
"I love to play with my balls. I've been trying to meet a woman with the same hobby."