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Joke of the Day

"I can eat anything in the house unless it was specifically bought for my wife but the only way to know it's for her is to eat it. Apparently"

Next Joke
 
"Did you hear about the failed Indian musician? He was hoisted by his own sitar."
"My hangover has been going on for so long that I'm beginning to wonder if Peter Jackson directed it."
"Wife: I'm making breakfast for dinner tonight. What do you want? Me: Bacon. Wife: And? Me: *blank stare* Wife: AND? Me: A napkin?"
"How do you get over trophobia? Look at the hole photo for 30 seconds straight"
"what do u call a turtle running on a 9V rechargeable battery? Dura-Shell"
"What's the loneliest drink? I dunno but its in a solo cup."
"MUMMY VAMPIRE: Jimmy hurry up and drink your soup before it clots."
"Me: guess who i saw today? Batman: who? M: not your parents B: Y do you always do this? M: cause they told me to B: who? M: not your parents"
"What's a Canadian Anarchist's favorite shape? A circle, eh."