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Joke of the Day
"My 3 year-old wanted to help me cook breakfast... ...but she wasn't eggsperienced enough."
Next Joke
"Why did the computer say Hello? Because it was A Dell"
"At this point making fun of Lindsay Lohan feels like laughing at the underprivileged Little League team who has to play in blue jeans."
"Doctors recommend that you drink 8 glasses of water a day and don't fall out of a helicopter"
"You wanna know how I hold my liquor? By the ears :p"
"the girls who tweet their horoscopes every day are the same girls who get drunk and then cry at parties."
"I like how all these people are acting like they've never seen a naked 37 year old man fight 3 security guards at a mall food court before."
"wife: ""HOW ARE WE OUT OF ICE AGAIN?"" me: ""DUNNO,"" I yell from the bathroom; the penguin and I can barely contain our laughter."
"Waiter there's a fly in my soup ! Yes it's the rotting meat that attracts them !"
"A man gets on a bus, and ends up sitting next to a very attractive nun. ""Ha ha!"" says the nun, removing her costume. ""I'm the bus driver!"""