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Joke of the Day

"[spelling bee] JUDGE: your word is 'contempt' ME: can you use it in a sentence? JUDGE: [mocking voice] can you use it in a sentence?"

"There once was a guy drawing blood... ...he used a pencillin."

"How do you comfort a grammar fanatic? There, they're, their."

"before guns were invented, armies had to throw bullets at each other and if a bullet touched you, you had to sit out until the next war"

"Girl meets boy Girl: What do you do for a living? Man: I work with animals. Girl: Aw, thats so cute! ... Man, 30yrs, butcher."

"How bad is my career? I met a homeless guy on the beach in Los Angeles & thought ""Wow this guy has it made"""

"How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? The fact that you think that it's not society, but the light bulb that should change is problematic."

"What did the cake say to the fat kid I am nutritious"

"Do chemistry jokes do well here? I'm not sure if I'll get a reaction."

"Why did the baker not allow greedy people to eat his goods? Because he wanted his produce to be glutton free."