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Joke of the Day
"Back in my day we had another word for selfie sticks, we called them friends."
Next Joke
"I just got arrested for using my iPhone It looks like I'm going to Face Time"
"I can cut down a tree just by looking at it It's true, I saw it with my own eyes"
"WIFE: You promised not to spend the lottery winnings on something stupid ME: *climbing off my new elephant* He has a name, Karen"
"I wonder if the earth ever looks at the 2016 election and thinks about hurling itself into the sun."
"JUDGE: So to be clear, you're pleading not guilty to stealing the child's shoes? ME: [heelies up to the mic] That's correct"
"Giving me a Milkbone after sex does not make it doggy style"
"Good morning babe! Do you like good girls? [Starts making you breakfast] or bad girls [burns the toast] Him: How did you get in my house?"
"I think there's a better word for underwear... ... Butt hat's none of my business."
"What do you call a girl from Alabama who's faster than her brothers? A virgin"