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Joke of the Day

"Want to leave a lasting impression? Show up three hours late for a first date."

"When's the best time to go to the dentist? Tooth hurty"

"What grazes in the Higgs Field? The Higgs Bison!"

"How are bad dubstep and constipation similar? Both leave you waiting for the drop."

"So a baby and I head into a bar, smashed... Wait, I think I'm telling this one wrong... I smashed a bar into a baby's head. There it was."

"What ward does Sauron visit in the hospital? ICU"

"My life coach just asked me leave because apparently she has ""other pedicures to do"" and doesn't ""speak English""."

"HIM: You know what we should do at our wedding reception? [at the same time] ME: Murder-suicide HIM: The chicken dance!"

"How does Matthew McConaughey like his sandwiches? On rye on rye on rye."

"The original title for Star Wars was ""Skywalker: Texas Ranger"". Starring Chuck Norris."