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Joke of the Day

"If college football created a bowl game called the ""Hyperbole,"" which two teams would be selected to play in it? The two greatest teams in the history of the known universe."

"I used to be indecisive but now I'm not so sure"

"From my son: What did the hippopotamus do to the magician? He hippo-tized him!"

"""Hey, How was your Blind date?"" ""Terrible! He showed up in a 1932 Rolls Royce!""......""What's so terrible about that?"".....""He was the original owner!!!"""

"You know why gay men make such easy prisoners to guard... Because most already have a whistling alarm for when they try to run."

"Oh my god, my jeans fit! All I have to do is not sit down, not walk, and not breathe. I totally got this."

"During sex it's perfectly fine to say 'yeah', 'yes', 'oh yes'..but how awkward would it be if someone kept screaming 'Yep' .."

"How to get a date with a Clinton supporter today... Baby, want a tissue?"

"Can I buy you a drink? ""I don't drink."" *panics* Oh. Um...well, here's $12."

"[babysitting] Ok well sorry I threw all your kid's toys into the ocean but maybe next time be more clear if you suggest we have a tea party"