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Joke of the Day

"""Hey, How was your Blind date?"" ""Terrible! He showed up in a 1932 Rolls Royce!""......""What's so terrible about that?"".....""He was the original owner!!!"""

"Don't Drake and drive or you'll end up at your ex's house."

"How can you tell if a redditor is a pedophile? When you make an ELI5 post, you end up receiving a dick pic."

"[arguing w girlfriend] Her: I feel like we have communication problems. Me: srsly? wow I text u like every day."

"""Can you describe your self in two words?"" - Lazy."

"The higher pitched my ""hey!"" the greater the chance I don't remember who you are."

"Saying someone is doing something ""like a boss"" to me is an insult because my boss does things half assed & incorrectly then blames others"

"I'm planning on opening a store that sells string instruments for children. I'm calling it 'Kiddie Fiddlers'."

"And now, a poem. Roses are red. Violets are blue. Violet is a shade of purple, so you're a lying whore."

"I'm beginning to believe that my road worker friend is a kleptomaniac.. So I went to his house to confront him and all the signs were there."