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Joke of the Day

"Chief: You're the WORST cop in the department! Hand over your gun and badge! Me: *realising I left both in my son's crib* Uhhhhh...."

"Meghan Trainor's business cards' must be pretty simple. Name: No Number: No Affiliation: No Contact address: No"

"Coffee Joke [OC] So the coffee asked the creamer, ""Are you outraged by our working conditions too, or do you support management?"" The creamer replied, ""I'm half and half."" ^^^I'm ^^^Sorry."

"I believe that old ladies in wheelchairs with blankets covering their legs are actually retired mermaids."

"-gestures to everything in the Garage- Me- THESE ARE MY TOOLS AND I AM THEIR KING!!! Wife- YOU'RE a tool Me- DAMN RIGHT I AM Wait..what?"

"Two kittens are on a sloped roof. Which one slides off first? The one with the lowest mew."

"Damn, just found out my highlighter leaked!! Now everything in my bag seems important!"

"I always wear a wet suit and goggles to the pub so I don't look like an idiot when I wake up on the beach in the morning."

"What do Apple and Blackberry have in common? Neither one has Jobs."

"What did one testicle say to the other testicle? This guy in middle is a dick."