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Joke of the Day
"What do you call a 2 legged dog who always ignore your calls? Your ex!"
Next Joke
"Albert Einstein was a genius... But his brother Frank was a monster."
"My wife walked in on me last night and shouted, ""What the hell are you doing with that ivory and gold dress?"" I said, ""It's not what it looks like!"""
"Hockey is more enjoyable if you pretend they're fighting over the world's last Oreo."
"Guy one: ""Bro I missed the first world war..."" Guy two: ""Don't worry man, they made a sequel"" Guy three: ""I heard it bombed in Japan"""
"Plot twist *Where do YOU see ME in 5 years.."
"If I could, I would avoid every conversation by making that beeping truck sound while slowly backing away from people as they approach me."
"Girl told me she worked with special needs students. I asked her ""you workin hard? Or tardly workin?"". She got mad."
"GOD: Eyelashes ANGEL: What do they do? GOD: Protect eyes ANGEL: And? GOD: Get into people's eyes. It's extremely painful. ANGEL: Are you ok?"
"*bursts into English convention* GRAB ALL THE STUFF YOU CAME WITH THE BUILDING'S ON FIRE *crickets* Christ. THE STUFF WITH WHICH YOU CAME"