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Joke of the Day

"*bursts into English convention* GRAB ALL THE STUFF YOU CAME WITH THE BUILDING'S ON FIRE *crickets* Christ. THE STUFF WITH WHICH YOU CAME"

"What do you do if you're drunk and you run into your ex wife? Reverse to make sure."

"My lesbian neighbour just gave me a Rolex I think she misunderstood when I told her I wanna watch..."

"Have I ever steered you wrong? *flashback to you at zoo in bear suit Me: They wont attack if ur dressed like one of them, now go get my ball"

"I was about to make a joke about Jupiter and a spacecraft... ... but how did Juno about it?"

"I think my girlfriend might be a vegetarian... ...because I've never met a girl like herbivore."

"What did Adam say on the day before Christmas ? It's Christmas Eve !"

"How many biologists does it take to change a light bulb? Four. One to change it and three to write the environmental-impact statement."

"How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two but it's hard to get them in!"

"Donald Trump is Mac user He's definitely not PC"