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Joke of the Day

"People ask me the secret of a good tweet. It's called ""proof-reading"". Perhaps you've hard of it"

"I can't feel my face when I'm with you, but I love it. Doctor: This is your third Botox appointment. That wasn't even funny the first time."

"Q: Why did Bill and Hillary send Chelsea to a private school? A: If they sent her to a public school the secret service would be out-gunned!"

"I can't wait until humans move to a new planet and someone says, 'Remember having 24-hour days?' and some jerk responds, 'First world problems.' -Geoffrey Asmus"

"Want to here a word I just made up? Plagiarism."

"A Statistic Nine out of ten prisoners enjoy prison rape."

"Ancient cryptic thrice-translated self-contradictory texts are the best way to convey moral precepts."

"Why are fish cleverer than humans? Ever seen a fish spend a fortune trying to hook a human?"

"Did you hear about the psychic midget that escaped from jail last night? Yeah, there's a small medium at large!"

"My wife said ""I bet you can't go a whole day without telling a period joke.""I said ""You're on."""