228098

Joke of the Day

"Corn Give a white man an ear of corn, he eats for a day Teach a white man to grow corn, he steals all your land"

"me: it's too hot *opens window* *in comes 305430 flies, 43866 spiders, 91193 moths, a serial killer, a paedophile and a burglar* (HELP)"

"OBAMA: I want to close Gitmo GOP: no OBAMA: But you haven't even GOP: no OBAMA: ... GOP: no OBAMA: I'm resigning GOP: no OBAMA: haha gotcha"

"Mom: Help! Is anyone here a doctor? Vet: I treat horses but maybe i can help M: My son broke his leg! V: Ok hang on. My rifle's in the truck"

"Wanna hear an embarrassing story about the time I forgot something important? I forgot the punchline. Sorry, I haven't been this embarrassed since that one time."

"What do you call a bear that is missing all of its teeth?? A Gummy Bear!"

"I think my wife is going to bake me some pickle bread! She just got home with a big box and said she would surprise me tonight with her new dill dough."

"[taking communion at church] I'm a recovering alcoholic do you have any actual blood?"

"Robin Williams It's a shame about robin Williams, but it's his own Damn fault. He should have listened to tinkerbell when she said ""think happy thoughts, think happy thoughts"""

"Why are there only two hundred and thirty nine beans in a bowl of bean soup? Because just one more and it would be two-farty"