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Joke of the Day

"*looking under hood of car* ""Well there's your problem"" *removes cardboard box with engine drawn on it*"

"[tv commercial] me: ""know what i'd love for breakfast?"" mum: ""what's that son?"" me: ""if someone pre-chewed my food"" narrator: ""porridge"""

"*emergency room* NURSE: ""we're losing him!"" DOCTOR [pouring like a lot of buckets of ice water on his head]: ""IM WORKING AS FAST AS I CAN"""

"This subreddit used to be funny until chickens started screwing light bulbs."

"Why do scuba divers flip backwards when going into the water? Because if they flipped forwards they'd still be in the boat"

"I love palindromes that use made up words Sdrow pu edam esu taht semordnilap evol I"

"""I couldn't love anyone like you,"" I told my wife. ""Aw, thanks,"" she blushed. I'm glad she didn't understand me."

"Sometimes it is very important if a sentence was said by a man or a woman A good example: ""I used a whole pack of tissues during that awesome movie yesterday!"""

"Why do cannibals love eating people with epilepsy? Because their favorite side dish is Seizure Salad."

"What do Jesus Christ and Male Porn-stars have in common? They both take their sweet time before the second coming."