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Joke of the Day
"*approaches girl in bar* *passes right through her* *i've been dead for 73 years*"
Next Joke
"I've been diagnosed with a type of amnesia where I deny the existence of certain 80's bands... There is no cure..."
"Thor isn't able to stay in hiding long He's not a very loki guy (yeah, still a bit iffy on the wording)"
"*walks into the hottest restaurant w/out a reservation* We're fully booked ""Ahem, I'm Yelp reviewer TURDBONER69"" Sorry sir right this way"
"I'm getting an MRI tomorrow... to find out whether or not I'm claustrophobic."
"20 yrs from now they'll make a movie on how Leonardo DeCaprio never won an Oscar. Plot twist the actor playing him wins an Oscar."
"A girl at the restaurant was about to eat her food before I stood up & yelled ""STOP. THIS IS NOT THE THIRD WORLD LADY. INSTAGRAM IT FIRST"""
"Cakeday special - what did the Chinese gangster do? Made him an offer he couldn't understand"
"You're Like The End Of The Bread... Everybody touches you, but nobody wants you."
"Today I went to an Indian restaurant and asked for bread They told me they had naan."