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Joke of the Day

"I've decided not to have children The kids are devastated."

"I'm broke but not ""vacuums the air filter* instead of replacing it"" broke. *more than twice."

"'911 HELP SOMEONE BROKE INTO MY HOUSE' uh ok, wow. not loving your tone. why don't you hang up, lose the 'tude and lets try that again, pal"

"I asked a few girls if they wanted to have a foursome... They said no. So I forced them"

"Marketing companies should use chromosomes in advertisements because sex cells."

"The problem with having a large imagination is that you can imagine your friends naked. Now you're doing it too."

"Just found out my best friend is on Match.com... but I can't make fun of him about it because then he'll wanna know why I was browsing single men on Match.com."

"Peanut Butter and Jam Whats the difference between peanut butter and jam? I can't peanut butter my dick up your ass."

"I was interviewed today by a Far East Sultan to be a eunuch. He needs a eunuch to guard his harem of 365 women. What an ideal career!! Sadly, The Sultan told me I wasn't cut out for the job."

"Guess when toothpaste was invented? 1892. Guess when kissing was invented? A DISGUSTINGLY LONG TIME BEFORE THAT."