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Joke of the Day

"Why did Blacula get kicked out of a Yale Halloween party? The party was for ""Wights only."""

"People ask me to do things months in advance and I'm like, WOW, how does it feel not to expect you might die by freak accident at any time?"

"The actor who plays Wolverine once owned a sea cow, but it was murdered... ...it was a crime against Hugh's manatee."

"So Batman is flying around metropolis looking for crime when... Superman walks up and is all like, ""hey motherfucker, what the fuck?"" Sorry, it's Halloween. ;)"

"Why did the chicken cross the basketball court? He heard the ref was blowing fowls."

"On which side of the road do you drive? -Left. -Well, that doesn't sound right."

"What's Medusa's favorite cheese? Hehehe.. Gorgon-zola"

"How Do You Kill a Trumpet Player? You shove then off their ego!"

"The wife convinced me into taking her to Hawaii if she lost 20 pounds. You'd be surprised how many M&M's someone can swallow in their sleep."

"Oh, your kid gets straight A's at school? That's cool. My son knows exactly what to do in case of a zombie apocalypse."