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Joke of the Day
"I like my meth labs like I like my girlfriends: highly unstable and locked in my basement."
Next Joke
"Walk into the club like whatup OWW Walk into the mace like what DAMN Walk into the sword like wha *dies* *flunks gladiator school*"
"My daughter is getting to the age where she is asking embarrassing questions about sex... yesterday she asked me: ""Is that all you got?"""
"The annual Procrastination meeting Has been postponed..."
"Next time you're at the bar, ask the bartender for a Ryan Lochte When the bartender asks you what's in a Ryan Lochte? Just say ""I don't know, make something up"""
"Everyone is unique. Except you. You are not unique. You are the only not unique person in human history."
"Don't even talk to me about how badass you are until you've seen how many ketchup packets i've stolen over the years"
"""Hey girl wanna go out Saturday night?"" No thanks I have a previous engagement ""I'm cool with that, hell I've been married like 6 times"""
"What did the boy tell the priest in the confessional? Nothing. It's rude to talk with your mouth full."
"""i like the little round slices of shitty hard bread in chex mix. that's actually my favorite part"" -a monster"