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Joke of the Day
"Why don't shrimp give anything to charity? Because they're shellfish."
Next Joke
"Where do rabbits like to eat breakfast? IHOP!"
"25 more pounds to lose and I'll be ready to be seen at my gym."
"If I eat lots of preservatives, won't I live longer? No, but you will have a longer shelf life."
"everyone i ever dated is impressed when i namedrop foreign authors but never bothers to check if they're just ikea product names (they are)"
"Why did Sally fall off the swings? She had no arms. Knock, knock. Who's there? Not Sally."
"saw someone spill their high end juice cleanse all over the sidewalk and now I know god is on my side"
"Apparently my twitter session today has lasted 12 hours. I don't even miss my life anymore"
"I hope that Senator Franken runs for President in 2020 and picks Jill Stein as his running mate That'd be a real Franken/Stein ticket"
"For a tennis player, what is the perfect crime? Racketeering"