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Joke of the Day

"Ill A very ill man goes to his doctor, he asks the doctor what to do. 'Take a lot of mud baths' the doctor says. 'Why?' the man asks. 'So you can get used to the ground of course!'"

"Victims of successfull murder attempts: whats your story? Serious replies only."

"Patron: Didn't you tell me the chef here cooked for the late heads of Europe? Waiter: Yes and that's why they are the late heads of Europe."

"I heard a Freudian slip once... He broke both his arms."

"If pronouncing my b's as v's makes me sound Russian... .... then soviet."

"So the woman sitting next to me on a plane with an infant in her lap looks over to me and asks, ""do you mind if I breast feed?"" And I respond, ""no thanks I already ate."" Too harsh of a dad joke?"

"What do you call a gay couch? A homo-sectional."

"*Ronda Rousey in the Doctors office* Ronda: I'm having trouble getting pregnant Doctor: Stop taking it in the jaw"

"Autopsy confirms George Michael choked on a chocolate bar It was a Careless Whisper"

"What does a caterpillar do on New Years Day ? Turns over a new leaf !"