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Joke of the Day

"Autopsy confirms George Michael choked on a chocolate bar It was a Careless Whisper"

"Bi?ch I didn't text you to exercise my fingers, I want a damn reply"

"""My mind is telling me nooo... But my body... My body's telling me yesss...BABY"" Cashier: Sir...would you like fries with that or not?"

"Mother in law just said global warming with air quotes. It's going to be a long night."

"Jokes about wife. First Guy (proudly): 'My wife's an angel!' Second Guy: 'You're lucky, mine's still alive. LOL"

"Donald Trump is starting a petition to stop the sale of pre-shredded cheese. He's very serious about trying to make the USA grate again."

"Why couldn't the tree solve the Lumberjack's riddle? He was stumped."

"[An old thermometer breaks scattering mercury beads all over the floor] ""Get out of here, NOW!"" ""Why?"" ""HAVEN'T U SEEN TERMINATOR 2?"""

"Jaws 2 (1978): after the sudden death of his father, a young shark is forced to take over the family business in a seaside resort."

"The main reason Santa Claus is so jolly is because... he knows where all the bad girls live. :3"