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Joke of the Day

"""What's your greatest strength?"" Shadow puppetry ""Seriously?"" [interviewer presses intercom button] ""Pat, please bring a flashlight in here"""

"If I get kidnapped, I'll sing Christmas songs until they hang themselves."

"If someone got my name tattooed on them I'd break up with them to prove it was a bad idea."

"If the cat's got your tongue, it's your fault. What did you expect, making out with a cat?"

"Why did the paralympic athlete loose the race? He didn't start off with the right foot. EDIT: Ortography"

"Toddler misbehaves, but follows it up with throwing his hands in the air and yelling ""Ta-da!"" so he won't get in trouble. Stealing it."

"The inventor of the throat lozenge died today... There will be no coffin at the funeral."

"Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money they don't generate much interest."

"God will never give you more than you can handle, unless you were born in the wrong place or don't have money. That makes God super mad."

"My son just got a tattoo of a heart, a spade, a club, and a diamond, all without my permission. I guess I'll deal with him later."