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Joke of the Day

"I don't want a Hot Pocket. I'd rather have a pocket with a nice sense of humor & a pleasant personality."

"Apparently a dog whistle in inaudible to the human ear. Just think, my pet could be sitting in front of me whistling a tune and I can't hear a thing."

"What is the safest place in the galaxy? In the direct line of fire of a Storm Trooper."

"[at my house after 1st date] me: so, do you wanna have some sex? her: well, I don't normally do this...but I think I'll pass"

"National product once got caught picking his nose and eating it thus forever being known as gross national product."

"Irony is when you see someone circle around the parking lot 5 times to get the spot closest to the gym"

"Customer: ""Do you sell a 'best of' Enya album here?"" Cashier: ""What do you want - a blank CD?"""

"""Hand me downs"" Apparently not the right way to ask the wife to hand me our disabled baby."

"My pet rock likes to dent people's heads. I don't blame him"

"My wife drove us into town today, she parked up in a sidestreet. I said, ""I'll get a taxi from here."" ""Where to?"" She replied. ""To the f*cking kerb."""