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Joke of the Day

"My pet rock likes to dent people's heads. I don't blame him"

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"When can you count on a hamburger in an emergency? When the chips are down!"
"What all girls want? All girls want 70 things in their life 1. Shopping Rest are ""69"""
"How do you divide old Rome? Using a pair of Caesars."
"Why is the door knob? Because the key. (ok, i will show myself out)"
"""I suppose you have to live somewhere."" - A more accurate motto for the state of Utah."
"My cousin, who's a karate expert, joined the Army. First time he saluted he nearly killed himself."
"Walk into a random building, go to a random floor, step into a random meeting, and take a donut. Best donut you'll ever eat."
"I thought /r/TwoXChromosomes was a mental retardation subreddit. The posts didn't convince me otherwise"
"What do call a fish with a Phd? A brain sturgeon."