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Joke of the Day

"I always carry a jellyfish in case I need to pee on someone."

"What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky"

"[Bunch of 6 year olds knock on my door] ""TRICK OR TREAT!"" You kids are in for a real treat... *slips each of them a copy of my demo tape*"

"Seven Bar Jokes Involving Grammar and Punctuation http://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/seven-bar-jokes-involving-grammar-and-punctuation"

"I'm gonna make you .org until you .com everywhere."

"Hey Dad? Can you sing me the Alphabet? Sure, ""abcdefghiJK."""

"Did you hear about the girl who gave out handjobs to electricians, plumbers, mechanic, you name it? She was a right Jack off all trades."

"How many redditors does it take to send a letter? Three. One to post it, and two to repost it."

"Did I tell you I'm dating a midget? I'm nuts over her."

"Last week I ran out of toilet paper and only had a dollar so I bought a pack of gum at CVS. I haven't run out of receipt yet."